1 00:00:08,896 --> 00:00:10,068 - "The Ms. Pat Show" is filmed 2 00:00:10,137 --> 00:00:11,482 in front of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:11,551 --> 00:00:13,586 - The internet is a place where pointless-ass people 4 00:00:13,655 --> 00:00:16,206 get to have pointless-ass opinions. 5 00:00:16,275 --> 00:00:18,172 And no matter how many good comments you get, 6 00:00:18,241 --> 00:00:21,517 it's always one bucktooth, musty, mildew-breath, 7 00:00:21,586 --> 00:00:26,034 backward belly button-ass nigga who gonna fuck up your day. 8 00:00:26,103 --> 00:00:29,379 I don't know why we look to other people for validation. 9 00:00:29,448 --> 00:00:32,448 But sometime, that backwards belly button-ass nigga 10 00:00:32,517 --> 00:00:35,620 might have a pointless-ass point. 11 00:00:35,689 --> 00:00:38,000 [laughter and cheers] 12 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:48,517 - Oh, my god, Pat, you having a stroke? 13 00:00:48,586 --> 00:00:50,206 - My phone recognition is broke, 14 00:00:50,275 --> 00:00:52,517 and my phone is blowing up, and I can't get in it. 15 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,586 - Oh, your phone didn't recognize you? 16 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:58,620 That's technology's way of telling you that you're old. 17 00:00:58,689 --> 00:01:00,034 - Shut the fuck up. 18 00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:02,620 - Good to know you ain't sensitive about it. 19 00:01:06,689 --> 00:01:08,241 - Is Mama OK? 20 00:01:08,310 --> 00:01:10,172 - You don't know the answer to that question by now? 21 00:01:10,241 --> 00:01:11,655 Her phone blocked her out. 22 00:01:11,724 --> 00:01:14,551 - Don't act like you don't know me, ho! 23 00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:17,137 - Oh, God, Pat, just use mine. 24 00:01:17,206 --> 00:01:18,689 I'll unlock it for you. 25 00:01:18,758 --> 00:01:20,965 - What the fuck are you doing? - Making myself look good. 26 00:01:21,034 --> 00:01:23,896 My phone ain't about to clown me. 27 00:01:23,965 --> 00:01:25,413 - What are you looking for, Ma? 28 00:01:25,482 --> 00:01:27,310 - Somebody posted that video of me dog-walking the shit 29 00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:29,517 out of Tony Free at the studio. 30 00:01:29,586 --> 00:01:32,413 - Dang, you're doing numbers, Ma. 31 00:01:32,482 --> 00:01:33,344 Pretty soon, you gonna get recognized 32 00:01:33,413 --> 00:01:34,655 at the grocery store. 33 00:01:34,724 --> 00:01:36,137 - Mm-hmm, and not because they got your picture up 34 00:01:36,206 --> 00:01:38,965 for forging checks this time. 35 00:01:39,034 --> 00:01:41,344 - Wow, look at all those comments. 36 00:01:41,413 --> 00:01:43,724 Ooh. "Ms. Pat is funny AF." 37 00:01:43,793 --> 00:01:45,689 - Damn right she is. 38 00:01:45,758 --> 00:01:48,862 - "Ms. Pat dropped Phony Free right in the dollar bin." 39 00:01:48,931 --> 00:01:51,620 - Damn right she did. 40 00:01:51,689 --> 00:01:52,724 - "What up, Ms. Pat? 41 00:01:52,793 --> 00:01:57,310 What that old mouth do, though?" 42 00:01:57,379 --> 00:02:01,620 - Sit yo ass down! 43 00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:04,827 I'm gonna read that shit in private. 44 00:02:04,896 --> 00:02:06,965 - ♪ Come on, it's time to go ♪ 45 00:02:07,034 --> 00:02:09,620 ♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪ 46 00:02:09,689 --> 00:02:11,172 - Hey, baby, 47 00:02:11,241 --> 00:02:13,034 you coming to my company's karaoke night 48 00:02:13,103 --> 00:02:14,172 Friday, right? 49 00:02:14,241 --> 00:02:18,068 I gotta RSVP. 50 00:02:18,137 --> 00:02:20,034 Oh, come on, baby. 51 00:02:20,103 --> 00:02:21,379 Hey, you know what? 52 00:02:21,448 --> 00:02:23,137 Look, I'll invite Denise, too. It'll be fun. 53 00:02:23,206 --> 00:02:24,724 - What's fun about watching drunk people 54 00:02:24,793 --> 00:02:26,862 fuck up good music? 55 00:02:26,931 --> 00:02:29,517 - Nah, baby girl, I only work with good people. 56 00:02:29,586 --> 00:02:31,379 - Boy, good people can't sing. 57 00:02:31,448 --> 00:02:35,068 R. Kelly, Michael Jackson, Elvis, Chris Brown-- 58 00:02:35,137 --> 00:02:36,413 - Hey, well, look, look. 59 00:02:36,482 --> 00:02:38,551 See, that is my buddy, Frank. 60 00:02:38,620 --> 00:02:39,827 You met him. 61 00:02:39,896 --> 00:02:43,137 And that is my boss, Max. 62 00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:44,689 - Wait a minute, you got a Black boss? 63 00:02:44,758 --> 00:02:46,034 - Oh, yeah. 64 00:02:46,103 --> 00:02:47,482 He's pretty cool, too, so long as you don't 65 00:02:47,551 --> 00:02:49,000 ask him about his family. - Wait a minute. 66 00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:51,482 Slow your scroll. Go back. - What? What? What? 67 00:02:51,551 --> 00:02:53,379 - Who is this young bitch with her arms 68 00:02:53,448 --> 00:02:56,000 around you with no bra on? 69 00:02:56,068 --> 00:02:57,827 - She's not wearing a bra? 70 00:02:57,896 --> 00:02:59,275 - Oh, really? You don't see them titties? 71 00:02:59,344 --> 00:03:00,724 Either you're lying or you're blind. 72 00:03:00,793 --> 00:03:02,620 I can see that shit from space, Terry. 73 00:03:02,689 --> 00:03:04,413 - Hey, whoa--now, baby, I don't be never 74 00:03:04,482 --> 00:03:05,655 noticing nothing like that. 75 00:03:05,724 --> 00:03:07,620 Uh-uh, I keep my eyes up here, you know? 76 00:03:07,689 --> 00:03:10,827 I'm never looking anywhere lower than that. 77 00:03:10,896 --> 00:03:12,793 - I didn't know you worked with good-looking women, 78 00:03:12,862 --> 00:03:14,241 especially in a factory. 79 00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:16,758 I was expecting beer guts and booty crack. 80 00:03:16,827 --> 00:03:18,965 - [laughs] There's some women down there 81 00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:20,689 that look like that. 82 00:03:20,758 --> 00:03:23,793 - Nigga, I look like that. - Hey. 83 00:03:23,862 --> 00:03:26,206 Look, now, you ain't never looked like that a day 84 00:03:26,275 --> 00:03:28,206 in your life, so stop it, all right? 85 00:03:28,275 --> 00:03:30,482 Now, I already promised Max that you'd come. 86 00:03:30,551 --> 00:03:32,586 And he actually hit me up about that video 87 00:03:32,655 --> 00:03:33,620 that's been going around about you 88 00:03:33,689 --> 00:03:34,965 because he's dying to meet you. 89 00:03:35,034 --> 00:03:36,965 - So now, you want me to kiss your boss ass? 90 00:03:37,034 --> 00:03:38,482 - Nah, 91 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:41,793 but you can sniff it a little bit. 92 00:03:41,862 --> 00:03:44,827 Look, baby, oh, it's very important 93 00:03:44,896 --> 00:03:46,586 that we get in good with him, all right? 94 00:03:46,655 --> 00:03:48,793 That supervisor position is opening up, 95 00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:50,000 and I deserve that job. 96 00:03:50,068 --> 00:03:51,413 That's big money. 97 00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:54,034 - Yeah, it's my fault that you gotta work that hard. 98 00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:57,034 That damn comedy tour money was gonna really set us up nice. 99 00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:59,827 - Hey, baby, at least you got some attention from it, huh? 100 00:03:59,896 --> 00:04:01,344 - You right. 101 00:04:01,413 --> 00:04:02,586 And look at all these comments they said about me. 102 00:04:02,655 --> 00:04:04,034 They think I'm funny as hell. 103 00:04:04,103 --> 00:04:05,965 - Hey, hey, hey, now, you be careful reading all that, 104 00:04:06,034 --> 00:04:07,206 all right? 105 00:04:07,275 --> 00:04:08,344 You gotta take the good with the bad. 106 00:04:08,413 --> 00:04:09,793 - No, they like my ass. 107 00:04:09,862 --> 00:04:11,448 Look. 108 00:04:11,517 --> 00:04:12,655 Wait a minute, let me see that. - Uh-- 109 00:04:12,724 --> 00:04:14,000 - What? - Nothing, baby. 110 00:04:14,068 --> 00:04:15,310 Baby, let's just focus on the good comments. 111 00:04:15,379 --> 00:04:18,517 - "Ms. Pat look like a plantation mammy." 112 00:04:22,172 --> 00:04:23,551 Do I look like that? 113 00:04:23,620 --> 00:04:26,413 - Can I answer it after you take that bandana off? 114 00:04:26,482 --> 00:04:28,000 Look, look, look, baby, baby, baby-- 115 00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,103 whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm just playing. 116 00:04:29,172 --> 00:04:30,862 I'm just playing. 117 00:04:30,931 --> 00:04:33,034 I don't know why you would read that mess anyways. 118 00:04:33,103 --> 00:04:35,931 Who cares what some old thumb bullies be typing up? 119 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,689 - I care. You think I'm the only woman 120 00:04:37,758 --> 00:04:38,620 on Earth that don't be stressing 121 00:04:38,689 --> 00:04:40,172 about the way she look? 122 00:04:40,241 --> 00:04:44,241 - I told you to stop reading all this hateration, girl. 123 00:04:46,551 --> 00:04:48,137 - Do you know that today, my damn phone 124 00:04:48,206 --> 00:04:49,586 wouldn't even let me in? 125 00:04:49,655 --> 00:04:51,896 My iPhone think I'm getting old, Terry. 126 00:04:51,965 --> 00:04:54,310 Fuck it, I'm not going out to no karaoke party 127 00:04:54,379 --> 00:04:57,310 with them young bitches with them titties that sit upright. 128 00:04:57,379 --> 00:04:58,862 - Hey, hey-- - They gonna laugh at me. 129 00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:01,896 - Wait, look, wait, would you stop, OK? 130 00:05:01,965 --> 00:05:06,758 Baby, you're a beautiful, strong, sexy woman, Pat. 131 00:05:06,827 --> 00:05:10,000 - That's not what DickerLicker69 think. 132 00:05:12,275 --> 00:05:14,068 [doorbell rings] 133 00:05:14,137 --> 00:05:15,172 - What's good, Elizabeth? 134 00:05:15,241 --> 00:05:18,517 - My privilege. 135 00:05:18,586 --> 00:05:20,620 Oh, I just got out of three speeding tickets. 136 00:05:20,689 --> 00:05:22,206 But that's not why I'm here. 137 00:05:22,275 --> 00:05:25,034 I was wondering if I can use your living room 138 00:05:25,103 --> 00:05:26,896 for a fill and chill party that I'm having. 139 00:05:26,965 --> 00:05:29,034 - What the hell is a fill and chill party? 140 00:05:29,103 --> 00:05:31,344 - It's a party where you get to chill, 141 00:05:31,413 --> 00:05:33,241 and I fill you with fillers. 142 00:05:33,310 --> 00:05:34,413 I'm getting my house painted tomorrow, 143 00:05:34,482 --> 00:05:35,758 and it's too late to cancel. 144 00:05:35,827 --> 00:05:37,827 It'll just be for a couple of hours. 145 00:05:37,896 --> 00:05:40,517 I will shoot those ladies up and be right out of your way. 146 00:05:40,586 --> 00:05:41,965 - Oh, we got records. 147 00:05:42,034 --> 00:05:45,689 We can't be nowhere white womens get shot up at. 148 00:05:45,758 --> 00:05:49,034 - What if I throw in free injections for you and Pat? 149 00:05:49,103 --> 00:05:50,413 - Girl, we are Black. 150 00:05:50,482 --> 00:05:51,758 We don't need no fillers. 151 00:05:51,827 --> 00:05:55,068 We age gracefully 'cause God loves us more. 152 00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:56,655 - You'll still ask Pat for me though, right? 153 00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:58,068 - Yes, I will ask her. 154 00:05:58,137 --> 00:05:59,241 - Oh, please, and thank you. 155 00:05:59,310 --> 00:06:00,862 - Mm-hmm. - Ooh, I can't wait. 156 00:06:00,931 --> 00:06:03,068 - Yeah, neither can those gullible, goofy bitches 157 00:06:03,137 --> 00:06:06,517 that's gonna let you do that shit. 158 00:06:06,586 --> 00:06:07,586 - Oh, hey, Ashley. 159 00:06:07,655 --> 00:06:09,310 - Hey, Elizabeth. 160 00:06:09,379 --> 00:06:10,310 - Hey, what's wrong with you? 161 00:06:10,379 --> 00:06:11,551 - Look at this. 162 00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:12,586 - Ooh, who is that? 163 00:06:12,655 --> 00:06:14,689 That is a beautiful ring. 164 00:06:14,758 --> 00:06:16,034 - That's Tanika's new fiancée. 165 00:06:16,103 --> 00:06:19,793 - Now why'd she give her that ugly-ass ring? 166 00:06:19,862 --> 00:06:22,413 - She's engaged to the trick she was cheating on me with. 167 00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:23,896 - That little stud stealer. 168 00:06:23,965 --> 00:06:25,758 - I can't believe she would do this. 169 00:06:25,827 --> 00:06:27,172 Any time I ever brought up marriage to her, 170 00:06:27,241 --> 00:06:28,827 she always acted like she wasn't into it. 171 00:06:28,896 --> 00:06:30,896 - Well, not with you, apparently. 172 00:06:30,965 --> 00:06:33,448 - Wow. Thanks, Auntie. So inspirational. 173 00:06:33,517 --> 00:06:35,310 - Oh, OK, wait, wait. 174 00:06:35,379 --> 00:06:37,000 Sit down. 175 00:06:37,068 --> 00:06:39,206 Listen, I know you not gonna let that girl distract you 176 00:06:39,275 --> 00:06:40,482 from your own life. 177 00:06:40,551 --> 00:06:42,034 I thought you was over that. 178 00:06:42,103 --> 00:06:44,551 You came out here, you started a whole new life. 179 00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:46,000 Focus on that. 180 00:06:46,068 --> 00:06:47,620 I mean, wasn't you just talking about a new girl 181 00:06:47,689 --> 00:06:49,344 you met last week? 182 00:06:49,413 --> 00:06:52,655 - I mean, yeah, but she's not what I normally go after. 183 00:06:52,724 --> 00:06:56,724 - Well, what you normally go after is some bullshit. 184 00:06:56,793 --> 00:06:58,620 You need to try something new. 185 00:06:58,689 --> 00:07:01,275 You said she was sweet and adventurous. 186 00:07:01,344 --> 00:07:02,724 That's what you need right now. 187 00:07:02,793 --> 00:07:05,068 I'm just glad to see you getting back on the horse. 188 00:07:05,137 --> 00:07:08,827 [laughs] Or in your case, the mechanical bull. 189 00:07:10,620 --> 00:07:12,206 - You know what? You're right, Auntie. 190 00:07:12,275 --> 00:07:14,517 I keep dating the same girl, getting the same outcome. 191 00:07:14,586 --> 00:07:16,034 Maybe I need to try something different. 192 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,241 - Exactly. 193 00:07:17,310 --> 00:07:18,620 So you gonna see her again? - Yeah. 194 00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,482 Actually, we about to hit up Taco Tuesday. 195 00:07:20,551 --> 00:07:22,655 - Oh, great. Make sure you wear a bib, 196 00:07:22,724 --> 00:07:25,931 since you gonna be eating pussy. 197 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,482 - Why is everything about sex with this family? 198 00:07:28,551 --> 00:07:29,724 We really going to get tacos. 199 00:07:29,793 --> 00:07:31,965 - Mm-hmm. Whatever you say. 200 00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:35,965 - So nasty. 201 00:07:36,034 --> 00:07:38,482 Oh, my good God. 202 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,862 - Why you got all them colors on your face? 203 00:07:42,931 --> 00:07:45,000 - I went down to the mall for that girl to do my makeup. 204 00:07:45,068 --> 00:07:47,068 She said she was gonna contour my face, 205 00:07:47,137 --> 00:07:50,310 and hide a little chin, and highlight my cheekbones. 206 00:07:50,379 --> 00:07:51,758 - Well, you look like you fell off 207 00:07:51,827 --> 00:07:55,241 the illiterate Reading Rainbow. 208 00:07:55,310 --> 00:07:57,310 - Yeah, I'mma go, 'cause this giving Pennywise the clown, 209 00:07:57,379 --> 00:07:58,620 and it's messing with my appetite. 210 00:07:58,689 --> 00:08:00,793 Thanks, Auntie. Bye, Denise. 211 00:08:00,862 --> 00:08:03,034 - Where she going? - To eat tacos. 212 00:08:03,103 --> 00:08:06,000 - You know you can tell me she going to eat pussy, right? 213 00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:08,413 - OK, Pat, what led to this makeover? 214 00:08:08,482 --> 00:08:10,965 Or make-under, I should say. 215 00:08:11,034 --> 00:08:12,724 - The bigger my video get online, 216 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,724 the more people talking shit about me. 217 00:08:14,793 --> 00:08:17,068 And for some reason, I can't stop reading it. 218 00:08:17,137 --> 00:08:18,344 - OK, well, what kind of mean shit they saying? 219 00:08:18,413 --> 00:08:19,620 Let me hear one. 220 00:08:19,689 --> 00:08:22,206 - "Ms. Pat look like a plantation mammy." 221 00:08:22,275 --> 00:08:25,793 - [chuckles, coughing] 222 00:08:25,862 --> 00:08:27,586 That's terrible, Pat. 223 00:08:27,655 --> 00:08:29,000 Let me hear another one. 224 00:08:29,068 --> 00:08:31,931 - "Bitch look like Ice Cube from the nose up." 225 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,379 - [laughs] 226 00:08:34,448 --> 00:08:36,103 - Stop laughing. 227 00:08:36,172 --> 00:08:37,275 - Oh, come on, Pat. 228 00:08:37,344 --> 00:08:40,724 You could do it, put your back into it. 229 00:08:40,793 --> 00:08:42,034 - Shit got me messed up. 230 00:08:42,103 --> 00:08:44,310 And Terry down at the job with young girls 231 00:08:44,379 --> 00:08:46,310 hugging on him with no bras on. 232 00:08:46,379 --> 00:08:50,103 - Oh, Pat, now you got to work on your self-esteem. 233 00:08:50,172 --> 00:08:51,310 You know you fine. 234 00:08:51,379 --> 00:08:52,793 - I don't know shit. 235 00:08:52,862 --> 00:08:55,241 - Pat, you are an unknown Black woman telling the truth 236 00:08:55,310 --> 00:08:56,586 about a famous Black man. 237 00:08:56,655 --> 00:08:58,931 They gonna call you everything in the book. 238 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,965 Black people will believe that sneezing was invented in a lab 239 00:09:02,034 --> 00:09:04,172 before they believe that a Black legend 240 00:09:04,241 --> 00:09:05,724 did some dirty shit. 241 00:09:05,793 --> 00:09:07,103 - But what if they right? 242 00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:08,758 - Well, I mean, if you really want 243 00:09:08,827 --> 00:09:10,896 to tighten what nature loosened, 244 00:09:10,965 --> 00:09:12,827 maybe some fillers wouldn't hurt. 245 00:09:12,896 --> 00:09:15,275 - I'm not letting nobody stick no needles in my face. 246 00:09:15,344 --> 00:09:16,931 Whatever happened to Black don't crack? 247 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,275 - Well, it don't crack, 248 00:09:18,344 --> 00:09:22,275 but the foundation does shift just a little. 249 00:09:22,344 --> 00:09:24,275 Listen, the only reason I bring it up 250 00:09:24,344 --> 00:09:27,172 is because Elizabeth wants to have a filler party here. 251 00:09:27,241 --> 00:09:29,896 And if you let her, we can get free injections. 252 00:09:29,965 --> 00:09:32,827 - I don't know about all that. 253 00:09:32,896 --> 00:09:34,551 - "Ms. Pat-- if she was a movie, 254 00:09:34,620 --> 00:09:37,655 she'd be 'The Five Heart Failures.'" 255 00:09:37,724 --> 00:09:41,068 - I'm coming, Elizabeth! 256 00:09:41,137 --> 00:09:42,448 - [laughs] - Yes, sir. 257 00:09:42,517 --> 00:09:43,586 - Like that, baby? - Yes. 258 00:09:43,655 --> 00:09:45,344 - Yeah? 259 00:09:45,413 --> 00:09:47,793 [laughs] Man, I didn't know having your girl come to work 260 00:09:47,862 --> 00:09:49,689 could be so much fun. - And sexy. 261 00:09:49,758 --> 00:09:50,931 I love watching you dance. 262 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,344 I can tell you're passionate about it. 263 00:09:52,413 --> 00:09:53,793 - Yeah, something like that. 264 00:09:53,862 --> 00:09:55,827 - Anybody ever tell you how proud they are of you? 265 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,448 - I'm a stripper that lives in his mother's basement. 266 00:09:57,517 --> 00:09:58,620 What do you think? 267 00:09:58,689 --> 00:10:00,137 - Mm, what am I gonna do with you? 268 00:10:00,206 --> 00:10:02,586 - Girl, whatever you want. - Mm. 269 00:10:03,965 --> 00:10:06,172 Can I propose something to you? 270 00:10:06,241 --> 00:10:07,310 - It's a little early in the relationship 271 00:10:07,379 --> 00:10:09,206 to talk about proposals, don't you think? 272 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,448 - [laughs] Not that. 273 00:10:11,517 --> 00:10:14,620 Brandon, I'm a pansexual. 274 00:10:14,689 --> 00:10:16,344 - Like, you be having sex with pots? 275 00:10:16,413 --> 00:10:17,965 - No. 276 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:20,655 A pansexual is someone who's attracted to anyone, 277 00:10:20,724 --> 00:10:22,413 no matter the gender-- 278 00:10:22,482 --> 00:10:24,310 emotionally, 279 00:10:24,379 --> 00:10:27,310 romantically, sexually-- 280 00:10:27,379 --> 00:10:29,896 - And with pots? 281 00:10:29,965 --> 00:10:32,655 - No pots, no pans. 282 00:10:32,724 --> 00:10:33,758 I met somebody. 283 00:10:33,827 --> 00:10:35,137 I really like their vibe. 284 00:10:35,206 --> 00:10:36,827 And I think I want them to join us in bed. 285 00:10:36,896 --> 00:10:38,517 What do you think? 286 00:10:38,586 --> 00:10:42,379 - Call me Peter to your pan, then. 287 00:10:42,448 --> 00:10:44,000 - Good. 288 00:10:44,068 --> 00:10:45,758 I'll see you tomorrow night. 289 00:10:45,827 --> 00:10:46,965 - Aight, bet. 290 00:10:48,758 --> 00:10:50,000 - Hey, bro. 291 00:10:50,068 --> 00:10:52,655 - Hey, listen, I think my girl wants me 292 00:10:52,724 --> 00:10:53,965 to have a threesome with her. - Nice, boy. 293 00:10:54,034 --> 00:10:56,275 - Yeah. - I had a threesome once. 294 00:10:56,344 --> 00:10:59,172 Let's just say dude's aim was off, though. 295 00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:02,793 To this day, I still can't use lotion if it squirt. 296 00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:04,137 [door shuts] 297 00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:06,413 - Hi, can I have everyone's attention? 298 00:11:06,482 --> 00:11:07,931 Thank you all for coming. 299 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,620 Oh, and I want to make a special, special thank you 300 00:11:10,689 --> 00:11:12,413 to Pat for hosting. 301 00:11:12,482 --> 00:11:14,413 [light applause] 302 00:11:14,482 --> 00:11:16,448 - Yeah, it's been a long time since I let people 303 00:11:16,517 --> 00:11:18,724 use needles in my house. 304 00:11:18,793 --> 00:11:20,344 But Elizabeth's good people. 305 00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:23,137 - Oh, thank you, homie. 306 00:11:23,206 --> 00:11:27,379 Now, ladies, you are about to experience a miracle 307 00:11:27,448 --> 00:11:28,758 in the world of beauty. 308 00:11:28,827 --> 00:11:31,379 It is the ToxFill. 309 00:11:31,448 --> 00:11:34,344 That's right, the ToxFill is filled 310 00:11:34,413 --> 00:11:37,793 with more toxins than a Flint, Michigan, drinking fountain. 311 00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:40,206 - And they water still ain't clean. 312 00:11:40,275 --> 00:11:42,137 - And all these things come together 313 00:11:42,206 --> 00:11:46,310 to give you an ultimately magical, smoother look. 314 00:11:46,379 --> 00:11:48,206 - Ooh. 315 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,379 - Toxic? 316 00:11:49,448 --> 00:11:51,000 They putting poison in they face? 317 00:11:51,068 --> 00:11:53,413 - So you didn't know that fillers had toxins in 'em? 318 00:11:53,482 --> 00:11:54,758 - Girl, don't play with me. 319 00:11:54,827 --> 00:11:56,206 You just realized paying your taxes at the store 320 00:11:56,275 --> 00:11:59,137 ain't paying your taxes. 321 00:11:59,206 --> 00:12:02,482 - Now, all we have to do is stick the needle 322 00:12:02,551 --> 00:12:04,965 into her forehead, like so. 323 00:12:08,206 --> 00:12:10,758 - She playing tic-tac-toe on that bitch head. 324 00:12:10,827 --> 00:12:12,896 - Just trying to get all the hotspots. 325 00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:15,310 - She got T-Mobile? 326 00:12:15,379 --> 00:12:16,551 - Voila. 327 00:12:16,620 --> 00:12:19,517 She is smoother than a baby's booty. 328 00:12:19,586 --> 00:12:22,413 - She is smooth 329 00:12:22,482 --> 00:12:26,310 as a one-armed nigga's nub. 330 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:27,551 - Real smooth. 331 00:12:27,620 --> 00:12:29,206 Her forehead look like my inner thighs 332 00:12:29,275 --> 00:12:31,000 after I've been walking on a treadmill. 333 00:12:31,068 --> 00:12:33,448 - OK, I think we should roll up in Terry's job 334 00:12:33,517 --> 00:12:34,793 looking extra fierce 335 00:12:34,862 --> 00:12:37,068 and scare them young bitches into confusion. 336 00:12:37,137 --> 00:12:39,344 - You ain't said nothing but a word. 337 00:12:39,413 --> 00:12:42,896 both: We doing this shit. 338 00:12:42,965 --> 00:12:44,482 [knocking on door] 339 00:12:44,551 --> 00:12:47,413 [romantic Randamp;B playing] 340 00:12:47,482 --> 00:12:49,482 ♪ ♪ 341 00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:50,862 - What took you so long? 342 00:12:50,931 --> 00:12:53,551 - Wow, no girl's ever asked me that before. 343 00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:55,413 - [laughs] Come on. 344 00:12:55,482 --> 00:12:56,517 You sure you ready for this? 345 00:12:56,586 --> 00:12:58,586 - [scoffs] What? Girl, come on. 346 00:12:58,655 --> 00:12:59,965 I'm a grown man, all right? 347 00:13:00,034 --> 00:13:01,827 Shoot, what you talking about? 348 00:13:01,896 --> 00:13:03,137 [laughs] 349 00:13:08,793 --> 00:13:10,172 Baby, where's the little boy's room? 350 00:13:10,241 --> 00:13:11,965 - Gray door. - OK. 351 00:13:16,758 --> 00:13:20,517 - Mm, mm, mm. 352 00:13:20,586 --> 00:13:22,172 Whew. 353 00:13:22,241 --> 00:13:23,482 You sure you want to do this? 354 00:13:23,551 --> 00:13:25,275 - Yes, I just need to calm my nerves. 355 00:13:25,344 --> 00:13:26,551 You got anything stronger than this? 356 00:13:26,620 --> 00:13:28,034 - In the kitchen. 357 00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:32,172 After my breakup, I promised myself 358 00:13:32,241 --> 00:13:34,689 I would have less boundaries, be more open-minded. 359 00:13:34,758 --> 00:13:37,310 - Well, your mind ain't the only thing I want to open. 360 00:13:40,137 --> 00:13:42,206 Oh, you're gonna love his little outfit I picked out. 361 00:13:42,275 --> 00:13:43,965 - His? What do you mean, his? 362 00:13:44,034 --> 00:13:45,310 I thought this was a she. 363 00:13:45,379 --> 00:13:47,413 - She? Oh, no, baby, it's a he. 364 00:13:47,482 --> 00:13:49,517 But he got soft features. 365 00:13:49,586 --> 00:13:50,655 - Wha--what? 366 00:13:50,724 --> 00:13:51,758 Uh-uh, no. 367 00:13:51,827 --> 00:13:54,000 I am a lesbian, gold star. 368 00:13:54,068 --> 00:13:55,000 I thought you were too. 369 00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,344 You didn't say you were bi. 370 00:13:56,413 --> 00:13:58,275 - Isn't everybody? - [scoffs] 371 00:14:00,034 --> 00:14:02,103 What in the hell? - Oh, hell no! 372 00:14:02,172 --> 00:14:03,379 - Wait, you two know each other? 373 00:14:03,448 --> 00:14:05,103 both: Yeah, that's my brother! 374 00:14:05,172 --> 00:14:06,482 - I'm your sister, fool. 375 00:14:06,551 --> 00:14:08,827 - Sorry, the blood done rushed to my other head. 376 00:14:08,896 --> 00:14:10,448 - Y'all related? 377 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:13,379 Oh, so I guess the threesome is a no. 378 00:14:13,448 --> 00:14:14,482 - It's a hell no. 379 00:14:14,551 --> 00:14:15,931 - It's a fuck no. 380 00:14:22,517 --> 00:14:23,620 - Ew. 381 00:14:28,620 --> 00:14:29,896 When'd you get a tattoo on your ass? 382 00:14:29,965 --> 00:14:31,000 - No! 383 00:14:31,068 --> 00:14:32,689 Mm-mm, we not starting there. 384 00:14:32,758 --> 00:14:34,034 How did this happen? 385 00:14:34,103 --> 00:14:35,551 When did you start seeing Romona? 386 00:14:35,620 --> 00:14:36,793 - [scoffs] Romona? 387 00:14:36,862 --> 00:14:37,931 I know her as RoRo. 388 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,482 - Great, go-go. 389 00:14:39,551 --> 00:14:42,482 - Fine, look, she came into the strip club, all right? 390 00:14:42,551 --> 00:14:44,965 She was very direct and a little bit aggressive, 391 00:14:45,034 --> 00:14:46,275 but in the best way. 392 00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,827 I mean, every man's fantasy, really. 393 00:14:48,896 --> 00:14:51,344 And plus... [exhales] 394 00:14:51,413 --> 00:14:52,413 That ass. 395 00:14:52,482 --> 00:14:54,344 - Ramona wasn't like that with me. 396 00:14:54,413 --> 00:14:58,172 She was tender, patient, hilarious. 397 00:14:58,241 --> 00:15:01,034 [laughs] And plus... [exhales] 398 00:15:01,103 --> 00:15:04,241 That ass. - Mm-hmm. 399 00:15:04,310 --> 00:15:06,344 - Ugh! This is some bullshit. 400 00:15:06,413 --> 00:15:08,724 I cannot believe I had to see your scrawny ass half-naked. 401 00:15:08,793 --> 00:15:10,758 - Well, I can't believe I had to see you half-naked, 402 00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:11,965 with your thighs all out, 403 00:15:12,034 --> 00:15:15,931 looking like you ain't got no mama. 404 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,379 - I really thought she was special. 405 00:15:17,448 --> 00:15:19,655 I've never had a girl listen to me the way she did. 406 00:15:19,724 --> 00:15:21,000 - Man, I know, right? 407 00:15:21,068 --> 00:15:22,931 Oh, and the way that woman cooked just so-- 408 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,724 - Wait, she cooked for you? 409 00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:26,448 - Yeah, she ain't cook for you? 410 00:15:26,517 --> 00:15:29,068 - No, but did she write a song on her guitar for you? 411 00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,827 - Ha. RoRo ain't got no guitar. 412 00:15:30,896 --> 00:15:32,655 - Yeah, RoRo do-do. 413 00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,034 - Damn, I want a song. 414 00:15:34,103 --> 00:15:35,103 I know it's good. 415 00:15:35,172 --> 00:15:36,517 - And I want a meal. 416 00:15:36,586 --> 00:15:38,655 I know it tastes good. 417 00:15:38,724 --> 00:15:40,448 - Man, I swear I be falling for that girl. 418 00:15:40,517 --> 00:15:41,965 - Me, too. 419 00:15:42,034 --> 00:15:44,310 Sucks we gotta break up with her. 420 00:15:44,379 --> 00:15:46,241 - We? 421 00:15:46,310 --> 00:15:47,620 This must be one of your new pronouns, 422 00:15:47,689 --> 00:15:50,000 'cause I ain't breaking up with her. 423 00:15:50,068 --> 00:15:51,551 - Excuse me? 424 00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:53,137 - Look, you said it yourself that she's amazing. 425 00:15:53,206 --> 00:15:54,482 - She is, but-- 426 00:15:54,551 --> 00:15:56,310 - So if you're giving her up, then she is mine. 427 00:15:56,379 --> 00:15:57,965 - Uh-uh, hold up. That ain't fair. 428 00:15:58,034 --> 00:15:59,758 - Come on, Ashley, you just said that you were gonna end it. 429 00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:01,137 - Well, maybe I changed my mind. 430 00:16:01,206 --> 00:16:02,103 - OK, you know what? We'll see about that. 431 00:16:02,172 --> 00:16:03,241 I'm gonna go see RoRo. 432 00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:05,137 - Well, I'm going to see Ramona. 433 00:16:05,206 --> 00:16:06,827 - Fine. May the best sibling win. 434 00:16:06,896 --> 00:16:08,482 - Oh, I will. - Ow. 435 00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,551 Why you doing it so hard? Wait, where you going? 436 00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:11,896 - Why you moving fast? - Why you moving fast? 437 00:16:11,965 --> 00:16:12,862 - Why you moving fast? - Why you moving fast? 438 00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:15,103 - Ladies first, Brandon. 439 00:16:15,172 --> 00:16:16,413 - Oh, you're gonna pull the ladies card now? 440 00:16:16,482 --> 00:16:19,448 You the man in the relationship. 441 00:16:19,517 --> 00:16:22,896 [laughter] 442 00:16:22,965 --> 00:16:24,517 - So where's Pat? 443 00:16:24,586 --> 00:16:26,344 - Well, you know, I think she wanted to make an entrance. 444 00:16:26,413 --> 00:16:29,586 - Ah. Oh, girl, you look incredible. 445 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:30,827 What did you do? 446 00:16:30,896 --> 00:16:32,000 - Calm your ass down. 447 00:16:32,068 --> 00:16:33,413 You act like I look like Shrek. 448 00:16:33,482 --> 00:16:35,068 - [laughs] No, I'm just saying, baby, 449 00:16:35,137 --> 00:16:37,482 you look like you turned back time. 450 00:16:37,551 --> 00:16:39,103 - Well, I had a little confidence problem, 451 00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:40,482 but I'm back on track now. 452 00:16:40,551 --> 00:16:41,965 - Well, I'm glad you got back on track. 453 00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:44,482 You took my breath away walking through that door, girl. 454 00:16:44,551 --> 00:16:46,379 - And I didn't even have to take off my damn bra. 455 00:16:46,448 --> 00:16:48,275 - [laughs] 456 00:16:48,344 --> 00:16:49,896 Oh, here comes my boss, Max. 457 00:16:49,965 --> 00:16:53,103 Now remember, whatever you do, do not talk about his life, 458 00:16:53,172 --> 00:16:55,137 especially his family. 459 00:16:55,206 --> 00:16:56,586 The brother's walking trauma porn. 460 00:16:56,655 --> 00:16:58,620 Once he gets started, the tragedy train 461 00:16:58,689 --> 00:17:00,103 does not stop, hmm? 462 00:17:00,172 --> 00:17:01,586 - OK, well, the man don't look like no tragedy to me. 463 00:17:01,655 --> 00:17:07,137 He cute. - Welcome, Team Terry. 464 00:17:07,206 --> 00:17:10,172 Now, everybody singing tonight, you hear? 465 00:17:10,241 --> 00:17:12,655 So don't waste my money on this karaoke machine. 466 00:17:12,724 --> 00:17:15,206 No one gets out of this room without performing. 467 00:17:15,275 --> 00:17:17,103 And just to let you know, 468 00:17:17,172 --> 00:17:19,517 I'm doing all Bobby Brown songs 469 00:17:19,586 --> 00:17:22,275 'cause that's my prerogative. 470 00:17:22,344 --> 00:17:25,620 - Oh, my God, I love Bobby. 471 00:17:25,689 --> 00:17:28,103 - Oh, hold up now, pretty little girl. 472 00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:30,068 I'm gonna have to ask you to cool it now. 473 00:17:30,137 --> 00:17:32,103 - Oh, well, shit, don't be cruel. 474 00:17:32,172 --> 00:17:34,896 You know I'm just trying to rock with you. 475 00:17:34,965 --> 00:17:37,793 - Finally, a woman who speaks Bobby as fluently as I do. 476 00:17:37,862 --> 00:17:39,862 - [laughs] Hey, as long as y'all don't start 477 00:17:39,931 --> 00:17:41,551 "humping around," am I right? 478 00:17:41,620 --> 00:17:43,793 - Uh, no. 479 00:17:43,862 --> 00:17:45,310 And how about you, Mrs. Carson? 480 00:17:45,379 --> 00:17:46,344 - Mm, mm-- - Now, I know 481 00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:47,793 how hilarious you are. 482 00:17:47,862 --> 00:17:49,068 Are you gonna step up on that stage 483 00:17:49,137 --> 00:17:50,068 and grace us with a performance? 484 00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:52,103 - Denise. 485 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:53,931 - Oh, my God, Pat, you don't look so good. 486 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,827 Let's go to the bathroom and put some cold water on it. 487 00:17:55,896 --> 00:17:57,931 - If that shit don't work, I'm gonna whup Elizabeth ass. 488 00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,206 - I didn't offend her, did I? 489 00:17:59,275 --> 00:18:00,620 - No, no, you ain't offend her, brother. 490 00:18:00,689 --> 00:18:01,620 But listen, I heard about this supervisor position-- 491 00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:02,586 - OK, well, that was weird. 492 00:18:02,655 --> 00:18:04,551 DJ, put on "Every Little Step" 493 00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:05,517 in the key of C. 494 00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:07,482 That's right, and make it funky. 495 00:18:07,551 --> 00:18:08,758 Let's get this party started. 496 00:18:08,827 --> 00:18:11,620 Oh, here we go. Here we go. Ho! Ho! 497 00:18:11,689 --> 00:18:13,172 Let's go. 498 00:18:13,241 --> 00:18:15,689 - I can't move anything-- my eyes, my lips. 499 00:18:15,758 --> 00:18:18,103 Shit, I can barely blink. 500 00:18:18,172 --> 00:18:20,344 I think my face done stopped working. 501 00:18:20,413 --> 00:18:22,655 - Girl, you must have had an allergic reaction 502 00:18:22,724 --> 00:18:23,793 to the ToxFill. 503 00:18:23,862 --> 00:18:26,275 - The fuck? - What? 504 00:18:26,344 --> 00:18:28,758 - You look like a mean old lion. 505 00:18:28,827 --> 00:18:31,068 - Aw. 506 00:18:31,137 --> 00:18:33,862 Oh, put 'em up. Put 'em up. 507 00:18:37,862 --> 00:18:39,551 [notification chimes] 508 00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:41,551 - Holy shit, this is Terry texting me. 509 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,413 His boss is asking what's up with us. 510 00:18:43,482 --> 00:18:44,793 - Well, what's up with us is we came in here 511 00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:46,379 looking like some bad bitches, and now, 512 00:18:46,448 --> 00:18:48,310 we just look bad, bitch. 513 00:18:48,379 --> 00:18:49,862 - Tonight is a big night for Terry. 514 00:18:49,931 --> 00:18:52,344 He really want to get that promotion from his boss, Max. 515 00:18:52,413 --> 00:18:54,344 - What are we gonna do? 516 00:18:54,413 --> 00:18:56,172 - I guess we're gonna have to face the music. 517 00:18:56,241 --> 00:18:59,000 - With that face. 518 00:18:59,068 --> 00:19:01,827 - Fuck you looking at, bitch? 519 00:19:01,896 --> 00:19:04,137 - ♪ Be together ♪ 520 00:19:04,206 --> 00:19:08,758 - ♪ Every little step I take, you will be there ♪ 521 00:19:08,827 --> 00:19:13,655 ♪ Every little step I make will be together ♪ 522 00:19:13,724 --> 00:19:18,586 ♪ Every little step I take, you will be there ♪ 523 00:19:18,655 --> 00:19:20,310 ♪ Every little step I make ♪ Thank you. 524 00:19:20,379 --> 00:19:22,275 Thank you. Thank you. 525 00:19:22,344 --> 00:19:24,310 [cheers and applause] 526 00:19:24,379 --> 00:19:25,689 - Come on, Pat. 527 00:19:25,758 --> 00:19:27,275 The least you could do is have a little fun. 528 00:19:27,344 --> 00:19:28,551 - I can't even move my face, 529 00:19:28,620 --> 00:19:30,862 so you know I'm not about to move my ass. 530 00:19:30,931 --> 00:19:32,206 - Girl, that's why you need to move your ass-- 531 00:19:32,275 --> 00:19:33,965 to distract from your face. 532 00:19:34,034 --> 00:19:36,379 - And you need to stay away from Terry's boss. 533 00:19:36,448 --> 00:19:38,517 - [laughs] Please, I don't work here. 534 00:19:38,586 --> 00:19:40,793 I will ride his ass like Six Flags. 535 00:19:40,862 --> 00:19:42,172 - There you are, girl. 536 00:19:42,241 --> 00:19:44,586 Hey, is everything all right, huh? 537 00:19:44,655 --> 00:19:47,620 Oh, my good God. 538 00:19:47,689 --> 00:19:48,862 Baby, what the hell happened to you? 539 00:19:48,931 --> 00:19:51,172 You fall into a beehive or something? 540 00:19:51,241 --> 00:19:53,448 - No, I got fillers today. 541 00:19:53,517 --> 00:19:55,034 And I had an allergic reaction. 542 00:19:55,103 --> 00:19:56,103 - Fillers? 543 00:19:56,172 --> 00:19:57,137 Why on Earth-- 544 00:19:57,206 --> 00:19:58,344 Denise, why did my wife get-- 545 00:19:58,413 --> 00:20:01,206 [stammering] 546 00:20:01,275 --> 00:20:03,172 - Why you got to put the blame on me? 547 00:20:03,241 --> 00:20:04,620 - Well, everybody put your hands together 548 00:20:04,689 --> 00:20:07,724 for our next singers, Terry and Pat. 549 00:20:07,793 --> 00:20:10,586 [applause] 550 00:20:10,655 --> 00:20:12,551 - What? What make you think I want to sing? 551 00:20:12,620 --> 00:20:14,724 - Hey, hey, hey, hey, Max, man, look, we good. 552 00:20:14,793 --> 00:20:16,517 Why don't you go on and pick somebody else? 553 00:20:16,586 --> 00:20:18,137 - No, no, no, no, don't be like that. 554 00:20:18,206 --> 00:20:21,034 Now, nobody leaves this room without singing a song. 555 00:20:21,103 --> 00:20:24,655 Now, Terry, you a team player, aren't you? 556 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:27,586 Well, because I do make all of my personnel decisions 557 00:20:27,655 --> 00:20:31,344 based on how well you do at karaoke. 558 00:20:31,413 --> 00:20:32,310 Nah, I'm just playing. I'm just playing. 559 00:20:32,379 --> 00:20:35,793 I'm just playing-- or am I? 560 00:20:35,862 --> 00:20:38,413 - Come on, Terry, be a team player. 561 00:20:38,482 --> 00:20:40,586 - Look, baby, one song, 562 00:20:40,655 --> 00:20:43,068 and then I can go talk to this man about the promotion, huh? 563 00:20:43,137 --> 00:20:44,275 - One song. 564 00:20:44,344 --> 00:20:45,551 This promotion better be worth it. 565 00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:46,965 - All right, come on, come on, come on-- 566 00:20:47,034 --> 00:20:47,896 - My arm is getting heavy. It's getting very heavy-- 567 00:20:47,965 --> 00:20:50,586 - [chuckles] 568 00:20:50,655 --> 00:20:54,000 - ♪ You're the first, the last ♪ 569 00:20:54,068 --> 00:20:57,827 ♪ My everything ♪ 570 00:20:57,896 --> 00:21:01,275 ♪ And the answer to all of my dreams ♪ 571 00:21:05,620 --> 00:21:07,241 ♪ You're my sun ♪ 572 00:21:07,310 --> 00:21:10,103 ♪ My moon ♪ 573 00:21:10,172 --> 00:21:12,103 ♪ My guiding star ♪ 574 00:21:12,172 --> 00:21:17,517 Hey! ♪ My kind of wonderful ♪ 575 00:21:17,586 --> 00:21:20,103 ♪ That's what you are ♪ 576 00:21:20,172 --> 00:21:22,655 ♪ I know ♪ 577 00:21:22,724 --> 00:21:25,620 - I know. - ♪ There's only one like you ♪ 578 00:21:25,689 --> 00:21:27,620 - ♪ One like you ♪ 579 00:21:27,689 --> 00:21:30,310 - ♪ There's no way ♪ 580 00:21:30,379 --> 00:21:32,344 ♪ They could only make two ♪ 581 00:21:32,413 --> 00:21:35,793 - ♪ Make two, make two, make two ♪ 582 00:21:35,862 --> 00:21:38,896 - ♪ You're all I'm living for ♪ 583 00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:42,896 ♪ Your love, I'll keep forevermore ♪ 584 00:21:42,965 --> 00:21:48,103 ♪ You're the first, my last, my everything ♪ 585 00:21:48,172 --> 00:21:50,068 [sparking] Oh! 586 00:21:50,137 --> 00:21:51,448 - What the fuck? 587 00:21:51,517 --> 00:21:52,517 What happened? 588 00:21:52,586 --> 00:21:54,103 - The--the machine went out. 589 00:21:54,172 --> 00:21:56,241 - Well, no damn duh, Sherlock. 590 00:21:56,310 --> 00:21:58,068 Oh, I wanted tonight to be perfect. 591 00:21:58,137 --> 00:21:59,586 Now what are we gonna do? 592 00:21:59,655 --> 00:22:02,172 You know papa gets cranky when he can't sing his Bobby. 593 00:22:02,241 --> 00:22:04,551 - Great. Now, he's pissed, 594 00:22:04,620 --> 00:22:05,586 right when I was getting ready to talk to him 595 00:22:05,655 --> 00:22:06,689 about that damn promotion. 596 00:22:06,758 --> 00:22:08,000 Damn! 597 00:22:12,793 --> 00:22:14,241 - Uh, excuse me, 598 00:22:14,310 --> 00:22:16,000 where do you think you're going looking like that? 599 00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:17,896 - I think you missed the part where you mind your business, 600 00:22:17,965 --> 00:22:20,241 rewind, and pause. 601 00:22:20,310 --> 00:22:22,931 - OK, but why are you looking like that, though? 602 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,413 - Like what? 603 00:22:24,482 --> 00:22:25,965 - Like a nasty. 604 00:22:26,034 --> 00:22:28,000 - Good, 'cause when Ramona sees me in this dress, 605 00:22:28,068 --> 00:22:29,620 she won't even think about Brandon. 606 00:22:29,689 --> 00:22:31,862 - You and Brandon are chasing the same girl? 607 00:22:31,931 --> 00:22:33,965 [scoffs] I don't know whether to laugh in your face 608 00:22:34,034 --> 00:22:36,172 or puke in it. 609 00:22:36,241 --> 00:22:37,586 - She didn't know we were related. 610 00:22:37,655 --> 00:22:39,793 So now, I'm giving her a choice--him or me. 611 00:22:39,862 --> 00:22:42,896 - Wow. Uh... [chuckles] 612 00:22:42,965 --> 00:22:45,448 I thought you were better than that. 613 00:22:45,517 --> 00:22:47,137 - Than what? 614 00:22:47,206 --> 00:22:49,034 - Than this. 615 00:22:49,103 --> 00:22:52,241 - [sighs] Oh, my God. 616 00:22:52,310 --> 00:22:53,517 This isn't me. 617 00:22:53,586 --> 00:22:55,862 What am I doing? This is dumb. 618 00:22:55,931 --> 00:22:57,724 I have a degree in psychology, 619 00:22:57,793 --> 00:22:59,310 and I'm competing with the dude who gets confused 620 00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:02,172 when we play Uno with more than one card. 621 00:23:02,241 --> 00:23:03,586 [sighs] 622 00:23:03,655 --> 00:23:05,724 - You know, maybe you're still hurting 623 00:23:05,793 --> 00:23:07,482 from what Tanika did to you. 624 00:23:07,551 --> 00:23:09,517 - Maybe you're right. 625 00:23:09,586 --> 00:23:12,793 When did you start being right about things? 626 00:23:12,862 --> 00:23:14,482 I think getting cheated on 627 00:23:14,551 --> 00:23:16,206 really did a number on my self-esteem. 628 00:23:16,275 --> 00:23:17,827 - Yeah, I get it, but 629 00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:19,689 I mean, you shouldn't be competing for anyone. 630 00:23:19,758 --> 00:23:21,689 You're a catch, sis. 631 00:23:21,758 --> 00:23:25,137 I don't think this is about that girl or, God help us, 632 00:23:25,206 --> 00:23:28,000 Brandon. 633 00:23:28,068 --> 00:23:30,206 This is about you learning to like yourself again. 634 00:23:30,275 --> 00:23:32,896 - It absolutely is. 635 00:23:32,965 --> 00:23:34,793 Wow, Bug, you sure you don't want 636 00:23:34,862 --> 00:23:36,448 to go into psychology too? 637 00:23:36,517 --> 00:23:38,655 - Aw, hey, you can learn a lot of stuff on TikTok. 638 00:23:38,724 --> 00:23:40,482 It's not all just girls in sports bras 639 00:23:40,551 --> 00:23:41,758 pointing at words. 640 00:23:41,827 --> 00:23:42,965 - [laughs] 641 00:23:43,034 --> 00:23:44,310 - I just got off the phone with RoRo. 642 00:23:44,379 --> 00:23:45,620 Gonna head over. 643 00:23:45,689 --> 00:23:47,068 I'm surprised you're not there now. 644 00:23:47,137 --> 00:23:48,482 - Nah, good luck to you. 645 00:23:48,551 --> 00:23:50,448 I am bowing out of this competition. 646 00:23:50,517 --> 00:23:53,310 - So you're just giving up without a fight? 647 00:23:53,379 --> 00:23:56,379 - No, she just realized that anybody that would like you 648 00:23:56,448 --> 00:23:59,379 is probably trash. 649 00:23:59,448 --> 00:24:02,137 - Hmm, so victory is mine. 650 00:24:02,206 --> 00:24:03,586 I get RoRo. 651 00:24:03,655 --> 00:24:05,586 - I give you RoRo. Don't rub it in. 652 00:24:05,655 --> 00:24:06,689 - OK, look, that's cool. 653 00:24:06,758 --> 00:24:08,206 I'm just happy. 654 00:24:08,275 --> 00:24:10,413 Because she's already hooking up another threesome. 655 00:24:10,482 --> 00:24:13,241 And I know for a fact this person don't share my DNA. 656 00:24:13,310 --> 00:24:14,655 [laughs] 657 00:24:14,724 --> 00:24:17,000 I'mma tap it for you. 658 00:24:18,482 --> 00:24:20,241 both: Trash. 659 00:24:20,310 --> 00:24:23,344 - Denise, get over here. 660 00:24:23,413 --> 00:24:25,068 Look, could you go over there and flirt with him 661 00:24:25,137 --> 00:24:26,758 or some shit, and make the nigga happy? 662 00:24:26,827 --> 00:24:29,034 - OK, well, Papa is cute, and he got money. 663 00:24:29,103 --> 00:24:31,206 So I'll do more than lift his spirits. 664 00:24:31,275 --> 00:24:33,379 I got you, Terr Bear. 665 00:24:33,448 --> 00:24:35,275 Hey--hey there, Papa. 666 00:24:35,344 --> 00:24:38,862 Just 'cause the music stop don't mean that we have to. 667 00:24:38,931 --> 00:24:41,103 - Oh, is that right? - Mm. 668 00:24:41,172 --> 00:24:43,068 - Well, I would love to get to know you better 669 00:24:43,137 --> 00:24:44,965 and beat up the man who's been hitting on you. 670 00:24:49,448 --> 00:24:51,689 - Oh, no, 671 00:24:51,758 --> 00:24:53,896 you're the only man I let hit on me. 672 00:24:53,965 --> 00:24:55,551 - Oh-- - And not in that way, 673 00:24:55,620 --> 00:24:58,896 'cause I will beat the fuck out of you. 674 00:24:58,965 --> 00:25:00,551 [laughs] But enough about me. 675 00:25:00,620 --> 00:25:01,758 I mean, where are you from? 676 00:25:01,827 --> 00:25:03,482 Tell me about your family. 677 00:25:03,551 --> 00:25:06,344 [people groaning] 678 00:25:06,413 --> 00:25:08,931 - My mom got the dementia. 679 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,931 She don't even know who I am anymore. 680 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,896 I had to put her in a home. 681 00:25:12,965 --> 00:25:14,379 And I thought she'd hate me for it, 682 00:25:14,448 --> 00:25:16,206 but like I said, she don't even know who I am anymore, 683 00:25:16,275 --> 00:25:20,137 so she really don't give a damn. 684 00:25:20,206 --> 00:25:21,620 - Thanks again, Denise. 685 00:25:21,689 --> 00:25:23,068 - I said I'm sorry. 686 00:25:23,137 --> 00:25:25,448 - When my mama got her second stroke, 687 00:25:25,517 --> 00:25:28,068 well, that's about the same time that my wife left me. 688 00:25:28,137 --> 00:25:30,758 She took the cats with her, took all four of 'em. 689 00:25:30,827 --> 00:25:32,862 And then that's when my old homegirl, 690 00:25:32,931 --> 00:25:35,344 tequila, entered the chat. 691 00:25:35,413 --> 00:25:36,758 - Is this man still going? 692 00:25:36,827 --> 00:25:38,137 Hell, I'm gonna need a tequila, too. 693 00:25:38,206 --> 00:25:39,655 And I don't even drink. 694 00:25:42,103 --> 00:25:43,068 Fuck this. 695 00:25:43,137 --> 00:25:45,241 Denise, help me out. 696 00:25:51,448 --> 00:25:54,103 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, excuse me, what are you doing? 697 00:25:54,172 --> 00:25:55,379 - Driving the boat. 698 00:25:55,448 --> 00:25:56,724 She can't drink because of the fillers. 699 00:25:56,793 --> 00:25:58,758 - Oh, my God, I was wondering what the hell 700 00:25:58,827 --> 00:26:00,034 was going on with your faces. 701 00:26:00,103 --> 00:26:02,344 Can I ask? You are so beautiful. 702 00:26:02,413 --> 00:26:03,758 Why would you need fillers? 703 00:26:03,827 --> 00:26:05,482 - Because somebody was saying mean stuff about me 704 00:26:05,551 --> 00:26:07,275 on the internet. 705 00:26:07,344 --> 00:26:08,862 - Why do we do this to ourselves? 706 00:26:08,931 --> 00:26:10,965 I had my armpit hairs removed because my boyfriend 707 00:26:11,034 --> 00:26:12,413 was freaking out about it. 708 00:26:12,482 --> 00:26:15,068 And I didn't say anything about his inverted areolas. 709 00:26:15,137 --> 00:26:16,827 - Right, I mean, 710 00:26:16,896 --> 00:26:18,172 women gotta go through all this 711 00:26:18,241 --> 00:26:20,413 when we gotta accept men for who they are, 712 00:26:20,482 --> 00:26:24,068 even when they show up looking like bloated bags of shit. 713 00:26:24,137 --> 00:26:25,758 - And you know what? They get all that work done, 714 00:26:25,827 --> 00:26:27,068 and they still don't look good. 715 00:26:27,137 --> 00:26:31,413 They look like fucking frozen ThunderCats. 716 00:26:31,482 --> 00:26:33,724 - Now that's the comedian I know, right there. 717 00:26:33,793 --> 00:26:34,931 Come on, Pat, get up onstage. 718 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:36,137 - I ain't doing that shit. 719 00:26:36,206 --> 00:26:37,793 - Oh, come on, Pat. 720 00:26:37,862 --> 00:26:39,793 Come on, please, for me. 721 00:26:39,862 --> 00:26:42,275 Well, if not for me, then, 722 00:26:42,344 --> 00:26:43,586 for my mama. 723 00:26:43,655 --> 00:26:45,758 - Hey, hey, hey, hey, go for it, baby. Come on. 724 00:26:45,827 --> 00:26:47,000 - I don't know his fucking mama. 725 00:26:47,068 --> 00:26:50,344 - Come on. 726 00:26:50,413 --> 00:26:53,034 - My sister and me got fillers today, y'all. 727 00:26:53,103 --> 00:26:56,379 That's why we look like we've been sucking on lemons. 728 00:26:56,448 --> 00:26:58,724 Anyone else ever had some shit done before? 729 00:26:58,793 --> 00:27:01,931 Tell the truth. I see you in here. 730 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:05,000 I already knew that about you. 731 00:27:05,068 --> 00:27:08,068 We should own our flaws, y'all, just like these men. 732 00:27:08,137 --> 00:27:10,241 Look at John old ass over there. 733 00:27:10,310 --> 00:27:15,068 White man so wrinkled, look like a wet set of nuts. 734 00:27:15,137 --> 00:27:17,965 He got so many wrinkles in his face, if he started crying, 735 00:27:18,034 --> 00:27:21,241 the shit wouldn't hit his chin for two weeks. 736 00:27:21,310 --> 00:27:23,103 And Craig, with your potbelly ass. 737 00:27:23,172 --> 00:27:24,620 Look at him. 738 00:27:24,689 --> 00:27:26,137 Well, he don't even know he's a boy. 739 00:27:26,206 --> 00:27:29,379 Somebody need to unzip his pants and show him his dick. 740 00:27:29,448 --> 00:27:32,827 If we keep changing our face, when Jesus comes back, 741 00:27:32,896 --> 00:27:34,655 he ain't even gonna recognize none of us. 742 00:27:34,724 --> 00:27:36,724 And you might look like a nigga who stabbed a baby. 743 00:27:36,793 --> 00:27:41,827 And now, that baby stabber is gonna get your angel wings. 744 00:27:41,896 --> 00:27:43,758 That's my time. I'm Ms. Pat. 745 00:27:43,827 --> 00:27:45,724 [applause] 746 00:27:45,793 --> 00:27:50,896 - [laughs] Ah, muah. 747 00:27:50,965 --> 00:27:52,344 - Too bad I can't feel that. 748 00:27:52,413 --> 00:27:56,448 - Aw, I love you, baby, just as you are. 749 00:27:56,517 --> 00:27:58,379 I don't give a damn what no random people on the internet 750 00:27:58,448 --> 00:28:00,896 think, and you shouldn't either, hmm? 751 00:28:00,965 --> 00:28:03,241 You are beautiful, baby. 752 00:28:03,310 --> 00:28:04,551 Receive that. 753 00:28:04,620 --> 00:28:05,724 - OK, I receive it. 754 00:28:05,793 --> 00:28:07,068 - All right, all right. 755 00:28:07,137 --> 00:28:10,000 By the way, I think Max loved you tonight. 756 00:28:10,068 --> 00:28:11,655 - Yeah, what about that promotion 757 00:28:11,724 --> 00:28:12,931 he gonna give you? - I know. 758 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,827 Believe me, I'm working on it, OK? 759 00:28:14,896 --> 00:28:17,241 - Ooh, Ms. Pat, you saved the night. 760 00:28:17,310 --> 00:28:19,034 I'm happy that damn karaoke machine went out. 761 00:28:19,103 --> 00:28:20,827 - Me, too, and what about that damn promotion 762 00:28:20,896 --> 00:28:22,137 you're supposed to give my damn husband? 763 00:28:22,206 --> 00:28:23,241 - Hey, hey, Pat, Pat, what you doing, baby? 764 00:28:23,310 --> 00:28:24,413 Wait, hold on-- 765 00:28:24,482 --> 00:28:25,448 - I'm trying to get us more money. 766 00:28:25,517 --> 00:28:26,344 - Yeah-- - This motherfucker in 767 00:28:26,413 --> 00:28:27,586 this "Billie Jean" jacket. 768 00:28:27,655 --> 00:28:29,310 He got all the money. - Whoa, OK, OK. 769 00:28:29,379 --> 00:28:30,655 She doesn't mean-- 770 00:28:30,724 --> 00:28:32,172 - You know what? 771 00:28:32,241 --> 00:28:33,655 She might look like the Klan tried to lynch her, 772 00:28:33,724 --> 00:28:34,896 but she got a point. 773 00:28:42,344 --> 00:28:45,586 Terry, you and me, 774 00:28:45,655 --> 00:28:48,275 we talk in the morning. 775 00:28:48,344 --> 00:28:49,275 [knocking on door] 776 00:28:49,344 --> 00:28:53,206 [smooth Randamp;B music] 777 00:28:53,275 --> 00:28:55,275 - Ooh, I'm glad you came to your senses. 778 00:28:55,344 --> 00:28:59,793 - I'm finna come to your senses next. 779 00:28:59,862 --> 00:29:02,344 It made sense in my head. 780 00:29:05,241 --> 00:29:06,620 - Are you ready to meet our third? 781 00:29:06,689 --> 00:29:07,965 - Oh, hell yeah, baby. 782 00:29:08,034 --> 00:29:10,827 Who else you invite to the party? 783 00:29:10,896 --> 00:29:14,000 - Let's get it popping, Brandon! 784 00:29:17,344 --> 00:29:19,862 No eye contact, don't sweat on me, and watch your aim. 785 00:29:19,931 --> 00:29:20,965 Come here, girl. 786 00:29:21,034 --> 00:29:22,172 Hey, hey, hey, you ready? 787 00:29:22,241 --> 00:29:24,241 You ready? You ready? 788 00:29:24,310 --> 00:29:25,862 - Hey, look, I-- 789 00:29:25,931 --> 00:29:27,103 I think I'm gonna go home and fuck a pot. 790 00:29:27,172 --> 00:29:29,206 - What? - I'm leaving. 791 00:29:29,275 --> 00:29:30,137 - How I'm supposed to run the train 792 00:29:30,206 --> 00:29:32,241 without the caboose, man? 793 00:29:34,137 --> 00:29:35,206 [funky music] 794 00:29:35,275 --> 00:29:37,137 - ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪ 795 00:29:37,206 --> 00:29:39,344 ♪ And she don't take no stuff ♪ 796 00:29:39,413 --> 00:29:43,620 ♪ She's a grown-ass woman, and you can't get enough ♪ 797 00:29:43,689 --> 00:29:47,862 ♪ She's a grown-ass woman with family and kids ♪ 798 00:29:47,931 --> 00:29:50,931 ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪ 799 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:56,827 ♪ And it's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪